At the WIT Luncheon at SQL Saturday in Indianapolis, I was asked about challenges I have to overcome as a woman in technology. I have been fortunate that I have not had external obstacles, like a sexist boss or woman hating co-worker. My obstacles have been of my own making, a belief that I have to be someone I am not in order to fit in with my male co-workers. I am not one of the guys.
I started my career during the dot com boom in Austin. It was a time and place that encouraged creativity and companies were desperate for anyone who wanted to contribute. This was a great time for women in technology. All of my friends were developers, admins, and developers. When the dot com boom went bust, many of us looked for work in other places. Side note: Ten years later, I am the only one of my friends that is still in IT.
It was when I moved to Louisville that I realized what it really was like to be a woman in technology. It is lonely. I worked in a large IT organization, 3000 or more people and there were a few other women but in different departments or buildings, but I was the only women DBA. Because I was new in town, it was important to me to be part of the team and fit in with group. I wanted to go to lunch with the rest of the team and enjoy the water cooler banter. These men shared common interests that I did not even have the slightest interest, but I wanted to be included. I have no desire to go fishing, know nothing about youth athletics, nor is Hooters my favorite restaurant.
I tried so hard to be part of that boys club, but I was miserable. My male coworkers respected my work and I did enjoy friendships on an individual basis with many of these co-workers. One day I realized that my coworkers were sneaking out to have lunch without me. Of course, my feelings were hurt and no one likes to think that people are sneaking around rather than having to hang out with you. However, after that incident I stop trying to be a part of the group and eventually realized that wanting to be a part of group that I have nothing in common is ridiculous. If anything not being part of the group improved my work and career and I found my individual friendships with coworkers strengthened.
I have since moved on from this company and while I have more in common with my coworker now, I will never be one of the boys. I am girl who has girly interests and hobbies. I will still occasionally still feel a twinge when my coworkers engage in some masculine bonding over sports or cars or some other thing that I don’t care about, but it is more important to me now to be myself.
